You must stay vigilant.
It never ceases to amaze me that as much as I learn there is
more to learn and that as much as I have experienced there are still new
experiences and most importantly after all the battles there are still new
hurtles to champion.
Lindsey started a new school this year, we feel confident
that this new school will unlock new opportunities and experiences for her to
grow. It wasn’t easy walking away from a loving and supporting environment –
but growth comes from pushing yourself forward not standing still. I naively believed
that she would integrate with minimal issues, after all she has come so far. I
took steps in advance to make introductions over the summer, I wrote a 7 page
guide to Lindsey including: random facts, diet, behavior, education, special accommodations
and more, I packed a box of food friendly treats that she could tap into if the
class was partaking in something she couldn’t have. I spoke at length with
teachers trying to be the voice that Lindsey doesn’t always use. Still last
week it became clear we needed “a meeting”.
I instantly had flashbacks- I remembered meetings of our
past where I left in tears, I remembered meetings that proved her teachers
loved her and I remembered that this could be an opportunity to help Lindsey be
more successful. So I took a deep breath and strapped on my years of IEP
meeting armor and met a team of ladies that all had something to say about
Lindsey.
For those of you that have not yet experienced an IEP style
meeting- let me paint a picture for you. A school representative is at the
table (sometimes the principal), the Therapist (speech, OT, PT, behavior and
most of the time all of them at once), the Teacher and someone from the school
recording notes. Everyone sits around a large table and if you are doing the
math that usually means you are sitting across from 4 to 8 industry
professionals that have developed a strategy that they want to present to you.
It is easy to feel overwhelmed, it is easy to feel intimidated. But there is
one thing you should ALWAYS remember – they do not know your child the way you
do and you are the final authority on whatever changes take place.
Don’t let them convince you that they know that childs
abilities better than you, they may have strategies but you have years of being
their mother or father- you are the one who wakes with them in the middle of
the night , you are the one that watches their every move when meeting a new
friend or stranger thinking about how far they have come and worrying about
what they may do next, you are the one that cares for them when they are sick
or scrape their knee, you pray for them, you research for them , you provide
for them and you love them. They – the professionals at the table- will never
know your baby like you do. I am a big proponent of following your gut, this is
the time to do just that. Some of these folks will love your child and will
only be looking for ways to help. Others will be trying to convince you that
they have issues and lean on you for solutions. It’s all about balance. I often
say a prayer before these meetings – I pray that “I hear the words that need to
be heard and that I say the words that need to be said”. Often your feelings
can be hurt, you don’t know that they care enough and you stop listening- Don’t.
It is possible to not stand up for what you know is right in an effort to be
polite- Don’t. Take a moment at this meeting and collect yourself. Take the
good, the bad and the “in-between stuff” and apply it to helping your child. Be
their voice – they need you.
So even me, a veteran at meetings for Lindsey, had to take
my own advice. I had to stop my frustration- I had plenty, and listen. I had to
hold my tongue a couple times because those words wouldn’t have served us well
and think about what words could be productive. Ultimately, I walked away a
little tired, a little emotional but very much pleased with achieving a game
plan that would help my daughter in her new environment. After all is said and
done the result is always worth the meeting. It is your ultimate opportunity to
talk to all those that work with your child, know what they are experiencing
and for everyone to have a clear path to success.
