We all got thrown a curve ball as 2020 got underway. The lifestyle,
routines and our expectations got turned on their heads as we were left scrambling
to adjust only a couple months into the year. Suddenly we were asked things
that we could only imagine being asked in a Sci-Fi movie. The world shut down.
There were no places to go or things to do. The school requirements were
shifted to our kitchen table and work now took place in pajama pants and virtual
calls. Surviving this is challenging for us all. Having a child with special
needs means maybe a few more things to consider along with all the rest.
Every parent struggled with finding a balance of home life,
educating their child, and squeezing in work requirements. The added challenge
for a special needs parent is trying to crack the code of how academics had
been taught in the classroom for cohesiveness and continuity, this can be
tricky if your child doesn’t communicate or is limited in communication.
Another obstacle is virtual therapy, children that are using therapy to expand
their attention span or skill set may not be attracted to the limited interaction
a computer can supply. But the biggest challenge the hardest part is the social
element.
As a parent, we try to fill all the gaps, although shaken we
will rise to find a way to meet all the new responsibilities. We will get the
work done, the school assignments submitted, and the house kept. We will be
inventive with therapy goals and find ways to help our children reach goals or
at the very least stay on track to meet goals. But how do you become the social
network of friends and outings? My son filled that gap naturally by online
gaming, phone calls and virtual meetings with his friends they were able to
chat, play and catch up. But children with less developed communication or
social skills do not have that to lean on the same way. Zoom calls are good but
lack parallel play or spontaneous conversations. So, the “friendship” elements
fall to us moms and dads. The task of finding time to play with our kids,
without being “too busy” with our mounting and ever-changing list of
responsibilities, is hard. In my case this simply leaves me feeling exhausted
or guilty at the end of the night.
Mom guilt is REAL, and each night as the kids fall asleep, I
am hit with a wave of “I could have done better”. I know I could do more, but
it comes at a sacrifice and that is usually my sanity. I am not writing this
passage to give tips and tricks that will solve this dilemma (sorry if you are
now more than halfway through and disappointed by that). To be honest I don’t know
of any good tricks to solve not having enough hours or mental capacity in the
day, I am sure others might suggest organizing a very rigged routine or
schedule to fit it all in- but I still think I would mentally check out at some
point. I am detailing our experience in hopes that you may find peace of mind.
The added pressure of a pandemic is that the only social
content many of us adults get are through social media, a poisonous atmosphere when
we are not forced to use it as a regular substitution for conversations and
interactions, much less now. Online you will find a heightened sense of moral and educational superiority,
people who want to not only tell you what to do, but tell you everything you
are doing is wrong- while they only post success stories of their highlight
reel. You inherently will find conflict or feel like there is something you
have failed at. Please know that NO ONE has it all figured out, NO ONE has days
without challenges and most importantly NO ONE is experiencing your life.
Understand that if at the end of the day you feel “you could
have done more” and are trying to think of ways to constantly improve you have
already arrived at success. You care and I am certain that the fact that you
care resonates to your family. They can see that past the occasional frustrations,
past the angry tones or frazzled-ness, they can see your heart and your love. Also, try not to burden yourself with trying
to do it all, soon enough the world will open again, and we will adjust back to
normal life.
It may take time to restore all our beloved routines and the
balance that goes with it, take your time figuring it out. You are not alone we
all are doing our best most days and trying not to focus on the days we fall
short. Love your family, smile as much as possible and when it all goes wrong,
turn up the music and start dancing!
Sending Love and Encouragement-
Jeanetta
#HopeFaithandAutism
#AbilitiesWorkshop
