Teachers and Schools - Some of my most sad and most joyful days

I have always appreciated good, kind and patient teachers. They often devote themselves to their class and while they have incredible pride in their class' success they also have huge challenges that they sometimes face alone. I once thought all "good" teachers were the same. I now know that simply isn't the case, a typical child may have good, great or a bad teacher. A special needs student has an extraordinary, challenged or a bad teacher. Fortunately - I have never run into a "bad" teacher- I know others have, but this post is about the good ones... in all forms.

First week of School for Lindsey

 

Let me explain some of my hardest days- my son went thru a preschool system at a local church that fit him to a tee, he was a "pleaser" and he was advanced in many of his skills. His teachers loved and doted on him and he loved going to school to see his friends and teachers- this was ideal. When Lindsey started at this same school, some of his first teachers were thrilled to welcome Lindsey into their class with expectations that she would be very much like him. Unfortunately, no ones experience was the same. The teachers tried to accommodate her developmental delays but it was no mystery that they were annoyed and bothered by her lack of conformity. She was developmentally delayed, that was the official diagnosis at this point. And while we all knew that - it certainly felt like we were cramming a square peg into a round hole. Ultimately, by the end of the year I had come accustom to the many teacher meetings and leaving them in my car crying. I didn't feel like they loved her or wanted her, the feeling was a complete tiredness of dealing with her. One teacher even uttered the words "I don't want her in my class next year". That's tough to deal with as a parent.

 

So we searched for a new preschool. Her therapy thru Early Steps was changing as she was turning 3. Her services now would be at the local elementary school in an ESE VPK class. It was my option to enroll her full time or selective days. I determined that I would create a learning environment for her by merging a new preschool with the elementary, together she would have 5 days of school and I hoped that would help her catch up. I didn't know what to expect from the ESE class and I was nervous about what other students may be with her. I also had done a great deal of work with the new preschool to prepare them for Lindsey's needs- including an at home visit from the teacher. One week into this program of the 2 school concept I got a call from the preschool. They wanted a meeting. A "meeting" was never a good sign. As it turns out they didn't think she was a "good fit". My heart broke. I would soon learn it was for the best. The ESE class I was so resistant to had an amazing teacher, quite exceptional and she made a habit of telling me the things Lindsey could do- not what she couldn't. She made time to tell me everyday about some accomplishment no matter how small. It wasn't long before Lindsey was enrolled full time with her. This woman had such patience and a way about her. Ultimately- it became quite evident that she loved my daughter, and she loved teaching her new skills. Lindsey was not a nuisance to her and the relationship between them blossomed. The end result was because she fought so hard for Lindsey with us she was able to witness some of her greatest gains.

   

So that is why I say there are extraordinary and challenged - because you see, a good teacher with good intentions often just doesn't know how to help a special needs kid, they become exhausted by it- those are the "challenged" teachers. But those that teach special needs, those that provide therapy to special needs, when you get a teacher familiar with the obstacles and are still willing to fight along side of you and your child- those are the exceptional, extraordinary teachers that give you faith. They encourage you when you feel the doubt creeping in and they commiserate when they see a set back, but they always have your child's back and they don't give up.

 

Please don't waste a second of your time with a "good" teacher that doesn't get it. It will only lead to heartache and tears. Don't for a moment think that there is something wrong with you or your child. Listen to your gut continue to interview schools and go down paths that may make you nervous. The answers are out there, the extraordinary teachers are out there and you and your child deserve to find them.

 

Also- to the teachers reading this: Please understand that I appreciate all of you - I especially appreciate the "challenged" teachers that have great big hearts and just don't know how to handle these kids. In no way do I want any of you to think they didn't do a good enough job for Lindsey or other kids in this boat. You simply have a different skill set, these kids require an entirely different approach to learning. I know that now. I hope that blogs like this are shared with all teachers so that they can direct parents here to learn about better solutions than the "square peg / round hole" dilemma.